Entry: For lack of better words

So, I was recently confronted with the concept of "Purpose & Perpetual Forward Motion". A VERY interesting read.

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Purpose:

Purpose ranges from short to long term and so long as you aren't doing anything that has no purpose….

A few examples (my kids are the easiest – they are the clearest and most important things in my life):

I play games with my kids at least one night a week. Short term – just having fun. Long term – giving them a foundation of love, laughter and togetherness to build on.

My son cooks one night a week (at least, he actually now likes to do it more often). Short term – I get a night off. Long term – I'm teaching him how to be alone and fend for himself, something I learned the hard way.

I go dancing a lot. Short term – sweat, don't think about work, spend time with friends. Long term – free up some space on the hard drive to deal with larger more important things. They always look different when you come back to them.

I let them make their own mistakes and share mine with them when appropriate – and discuss them afterwards. Short term – development of autonomy. Long term – on the day I'm not there, they will know they can make their own decisions wisely.

I make an effort to do things with them I don't like that I know they do. Short term – they get so happy!! Long term – I'm teaching them to accept other people for what and who they are – even if it is different from them.

I write. Short term – mental escape, articulation of things that are jumbled up in my brain. Long term – when I'm gone, and someday I will be, my children will be able to know their mother and what drove her. Some things aren't acceptable to tell them right now, they're children. But if I'm not here on the day that they are ready, they can still know. They can know what happened, where I was, how my love for them never faltered. How I made mistakes, and survived and was never perfect (actually I make sure they know that now, being human instead of ruling with the iron fist makes them more likely to approach me when they haven't behaved in a perfect manner and be more understanding of when I make mistakes.) Most importantly – how I wasn't sure on so many days whether I was raising and taking care of them or the other way around. Something they SO need to know, but not right now. There's a ton that goes with that one.

Everything I do has a purpose – without purpose, why would you do it? Someone else expects you to? It's the norm? It's socially acceptable? It's a dream someone else planted in your head?

It's awfully egocentric, but it's your life, why wouldn't you be egocentric?

I read…

I care…

I talk…

I lay on the couch like a vegetable and do nothing…

I try to shove my house over…. (really, you should see me do it to get the full impact!)

I run…

I play…

I laugh…

I cry…

I…. everything.

If you can't figure out your motivation, you probably shouldn't be doing it. Once you've pinpointed your motivation on the big aspects of your life, the little ones come easy – but make a bigger difference to you. And then once you've done it, you can really say you did something just because it felt good. And it will – feel good, I mean. Eventually you stop wondering – why am I doing this? Is this all there is? Why can't I be as happy as the people around me? Why am I here? What am I fighting for? What comes next? Is there more?

Perpetual forward motion

You change every day in little ways, sometimes in big ways. Every once in a while – sometimes lots in a while if you've made a bad assessment of your purpose (!!!! – see sad eyes), it's necessary to go back to step one and reevaluate the purpose behind what you are doing. Do you still like it? Are you doing it now because it's a habit or because you enjoy it? Are you asking yourself those questions again?

Some days, I want to dance and have fun. Others I want to be alone and brood in the bathtub for two hours. Nothing wrong with either of those, both have a purpose…. But why am I doing it? Is it the same reason I did it before? If not, it may be time to reevaluation the action. (ok, admittedly this was a really crappy example, told you the kids were the easiest.)

That would be when you are feeling down, sad, empty.. etc.

And especially when you are feeling happy – ask yourself why are you happy? If people put nearly as much time into deciphering the motivation behind their happiness as they do into figuring out what went wrong or why they aren't happy, they could figure out what triggered it and have repeat occurrences. On purpose. Wouldn't you much rather be happy? Isn't that much more worthy of your time (and doesn't it feel so freaking much better?)

- Bonesucker