For all of you slackers out there who have forgotten (or simply didn't know), today is my birthday. Yep...29 years of age. One more year closer to death. Can't wait. Yay.So, I was again pondering an earlier post concerning "the first kiss". I recently had a similar conversation which brought the topic back to the front of my mind.
For those who don't remember, it was the post about what someone should do if they really like someone but there's no "spark" in the kiss. Having thought about it again (and pulling from past experience), I think that there should be SOME kind of bodily reaction to a possible significant other in the beginning (as I will explain later). I've definately been in the situation where I'm dating someone and the kiss isn't "all there" but yet I hold out waiting for some kind of flame to be kindled.
You find a person who definately likes you...who is well established...smart...funny...who loves all of your silly little quirks that you think noone ever would...and who would be willing to sacrifice for you. You think to yourself..."This person is PERFECT for me!". But, for whatever reason, you're incapable of experiencing those horribly irrational feelings that accompany a normal infatuation.
I've even prolonged that process in the past wondering why I couldn't make that spark happen. "Why God...why? Why not THIS girl???". It's especially bad for people like me who are always wondering why they don't often meet good quality people because when they do, chances are that there will be no spark and it won't matter in the end anyway. (And yes...the glass is half empty) :)
Of course, I cannot offer a universal answer to this conundrum (sp?). I can only pass on to you the kind of advice that fits someone like me. Here are the things that tell me that there is something special...
1) In the beginning, there's the whole butterflies in the stomach. This, or some other physical symptom (and no...I'm not trying to be dirty here) will tell you that that mysterious subconscious mechanism in your head (often referred to as "the heart") is telling you that there is something special there (and, of course, it will never tell you WHY).
2) Although it's nice to be able to see what a possible significant other would be willing to do for you, I find that, when I really like someone, I'm more preoccupied with what I can do to make THEM happy. That's a huge sign for me since I'm a naturally selfish person. I've dated people who have seemingly done everything to try to make me happy. That's all good, but if I have no desire to reciprocate, then what's the point? I want someone who will inspire me to do nice things for them (instead of simply appreciating all of the things that they do for me). My parents are perfect examples (both sets of them). I really do envy them because all four of them (parents and step-parents) would reach up into the sky and give the moon to their spouse if they could.
3) A desire to kiss them. Not the desire to kiss them to see what it would be like or to see if it will be different from the last time, but a true genuine desire to kiss them. Of course, a true sign for me is if I get tingly thinking about it. (Wow. Could I ever sound ANY more feminine than THAT?!)
Now...what happens when I ignore the above signs and persue a relationship that my "heart" doesn't necessarily agree with. For me, it is inevitable. The relationship WILL end...it's just a matter of when. I find myself more attracted to the qualities of this person instead of the person herself. EVERY SINGLE TIME, the situtation is such that over time, their attraction to me grows and my attraction to them recedes. The longer it goes on, the more of a problem it will be in the end. And yes....I have been in the reverse situation a couple times and it absolutely SUCKS!!! So please don't hate me for being so nonchalant about it.
OK....my sister just called to wish me a happy birthday. I'm going to cut this short now. Remember...this advice may not apply to everyone. However, it never hurts to see read about someone else's point-of-view. :)
9 comments:
Happy Birthday!
It doesn't matter if the glass is half-empty or if it's half-full just as long as you take a drink.
That said, I know what you mean. There are people out there who could definitely be a perfect match but without that spark, without that "magic", it's hard to keep a relationship going. But these days, I'd have to figure that a relationship that is based upon a "spark" is more likely to shorter lived than one based on compatibility. What happens if the "spark" goes away? Is it time to split up? Relationships are hard work, whether they are magical or not. People often forget about that and try to seek out that "one" special person that generates that magic, foregoing all others. Be careful about that.
Maybe you're just guy. It is ok, we still love you Jason!
Even if I am gay, at least I can SPELL the d**n word!
(dork)
Don't MAKE me dig up more pictures of you to pose on the website!!
I definately agree that any relationship is hard work. However....
I'm a firm believer in the kind of relationship that starts with that spark and then, over time, the feelings and hormones gradually level out into a really deep comfort between the two people. Without that initial spark, there will always be that void. I have known quite a few people who married for convenience (although they really didn't know it) and then never really found a reason later not to be. (By the way...this is only ONE such kind of example.) I guarantee that those people will never have a smile on their face when they talk about their marriage or their partners.
When someone asks me 30 years from now..."Why did you end up marrying [insert lucky girl's name here]?"...I can smile and say..."Because I loved her". It won't be "Because she was really nice to me and rubbed my feet all of the time". (For anybody who knows me...don't read into the whole foot thing.)
Like I mentioned before, I'm spoiled by my two sets of parents. I really don't know if it's healthy to be that envious of one's parents or not.
P.S. Random comment....I've also never been a believer in the whole "waiting for the one" thing. I've always considered it to be a function of timing and circumstance. A simple quick trip to the restroom may be all that is needed to completely miss meeting Mr Right #1 but instead running into Mr Right #2. :)
I too believe there are numerous "mr. rights" and looking for one "soul mate" is first of all a waste of time, and secondly depressing. I believe people, friends and others, are in your life at the right time for the right reason. And although you may wish things are different, if they were you may never be ready for the "real thing" when the time comes. But boy does it suck waiting sometimes....
It is all about timing, being in a place in your life to be yourself and know exactly what you are looking for, and to be in touch with your feelings in order to know what is real and what is either fear or wishful thinking.
Stop being scared, intellectualizing (which is a defense mechanism) and start LIVING!!!! We love you... Happy B-day! (Sniff the air...I smell 30 around the corner)
Happy birthday. You might want to try more than one kiss. Lips do have bad days. :)
Definately. :)
This completelt sums up how i'm feeling about someone right now. They're absolutely lovely, i know they care about me and wouldn't screw me over, and i really really WANT to feel that 'spark', but somehow i don't. grr!
Pleeeeeease tell me that you're not the girl I'm seeing at the moment. I'm rather fond of her. <:)
Post a Comment